My Secret Affair

So, I need to confess that I have been seeing someone in Oklahoma City. It's actually been going on for awhile. I used to see her when I would travel out to OKC when I was with CNI. I've always fallen in love very quickly, and I'm completely head-over-heels for her.

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Her name is Braum's.

She's a little slice of heaven in Oklahoma Cty. In 1968, Bill and Mary Braum opened the first 24 Braum's Ice Cream and Dairy Stores in Oklahoma City. Now there are over 300 in four states. The Braums own 10,000 diary cows, which they milk 3 times a day, in order to make the best ice cream on the planet.

Braum's serves the 1/3 pound burger. That's right, they don't fuck around with the sissy "quarter-pounder", they give you 8% more hamburger up front. Braum's hamburgers are the absolute best hamburgers I have ever tasted. I will not argue about this. It's simply a fact. And they serve them with the thick "crinkle-cut" fries. I seriously think that they put crack on their burgers, or mix it in with the buns.

And the other thing is that you don't have to pass an act of congress in order to substitute a shake with your meal. THEY ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO IT. It's like they know they hooked you with the burger, what's a little sugar-smack to top it off, JUNKIE!? Yep, that's a milkshake with my 1/3 pound Jalepeno-Cheeseburger. Cookie-dough ice cream shake. Nuff said.

Anyway, the other fantastical thing about Braum's is that it's also got a little grocery store inside the fast food restaurant! Get your burger, then get a gallon of milk, some breakfast cereal, and a couple of steaks for the weekend! They used to have these awesome cherry-limeade hard candies, but they don't make them anymore. Let me tell you, the combination of fast food plus grocery store makes for some STRANGE customers. Then again, most everyone in Oklahoma is toothless with a mullet, shirtless, wearing flip flops and cut-off shorts, so, it's pretty much par for the course when you are standing in line behind Jed and Tater.

I guess I'm telling you all this so you won't be shocked when I come back to Albuquerque weighing 400 pounds. Love...sometimes she's a cruel bitch.

One other thing -

I know some of you have never had a Krispy Kreme donut, and, I'm sorry. I cheat on Braum's repeatedly with Krispy Kreme. KK is my little piece of fluff on the side. She's a cheap, quick fling, but, I get tired of her quickly and kick her out when I've had my fill. If Braum's and Krispy Kreme joined forces, I don't think I could make it.

Well, KK recently pulls some dirty shit -

That's right! The MULTI-GRAIN donut! It's now a HEALTHY DONUT! Hearty SEVEN-GRAIN! Is nougat a grain? I can eat as many as I want!

How can they put it next to the chocolate-sprinkles donut!? Those bastards! (Unfortunately, the "Hearty Seven-Grain" are pretty dry. Good job making one of my favorite things taste like cardboard. No wonder all of the KK's in Abq closed down.)

Okay, I lied. I think I figured out how to post a video here on Blogspot -

If this works, this is a very good video about what I will be doing. During the part where it says, "The plane is passed to an Air Route Traffic Control Center [ARTCC]" is me. That's what I will be doing. For those of you who thought that I would be on the tarmac with the orange sticks waving the planes to the gates, sorry...